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Moronic father sues school after girl allows phone to be searched

Some Texan moron who felt violated that his daughter was asked to reveal text messages on her phone has sued the county’s school district for over $7 million.

Believing that his little princess’s constitutional rights had been violated, Mr John Beaird naturally thought it would be right to sue. Why not? After all, MacArthur High School or perhaps MacArthur Prison Camp as Mr Beaird would have you believe, only asked his little ankle biter, Madelyn, to fork over her mobile phone in order to eliminate her from an investigation.

The investigation was prompted after officials from MacArthur High got wind of minor fracas involving keyed cars and, naturally this being in Texas, a gun. Initially the school thought the doe-eyed Madelyn was involved, proceeding to question her and search the contents of her phone.

This was the final straw for daddy. Upon hearing of the flagrant disregard for his cherished daughter’s right to bare a phone, Mr Beaird declared all out war, slapping the Independent School District (ISD) with a lawsuit and claiming over $7 million in damages.

As to how the doting father reached the figure of $7 million, well that’s a story best told by the hero of hour himself. “I remember back when hot coffee was spilled in the McDonald’s law suit. They were awarded $4.5 million. I said you know, I guess a constitutional right is worth at least $4 million today.” There you have it, Mr Beaird putting a value on the very fabric of American life.

And what about the victim of the heinous crime? It seems the sight of four figures of authority caused Madelyn to shut her claptrap. “I knew they could not do it but I was kind of scared to ask for it back because you know I was like there were three principals and a police officer.” Of course you were dear, now skip along and play with your marbles.

The ISD told the local rag that there was “reasonable cause for the district to search the phone” and that the school had got permission from all students involved. It also rubbished Mr Beaird’s claims but did offer to reimburse his little treasure’s phone, as it had not been returned.

While Mr Beaird wonders what his next money spinning move would be, the majority of other American parents would be grateful to know that a school would investigate a matter that relate to guns in schools. Mr Beaird on the other hand would prefer to use his daughter as a pawn in furthering his own bank balance.